by Helen Staab
Artwork by Molly Costello
Positive affirmations are a tool used to counter negative or unhelpful thought patterns. Having a predetermined phrase on reserve for when the negative thoughts pop up has proved helpful for many people. Sometimes, though, we might find ourselves living through a period when positive affirmations feel trite, or downright untrue. We have all been living through an extended period of crisis for the past nine months. The demand for our productivity has remained the same while our access to the communities and activities that sustain us becomes more limited. Place on top of that the current election season and all of the pain and uncertainty it holds, and it can feel as though we are not left with much to work with.
Negative thoughts can feel like the truth when we are surrounded by hopelessness. We are fighting for our own survival and to defend the lives of those around us; we need more than “it gets better” or “everything will be okay.” After the 2016 election I found myself collecting phrases that still felt true even knowing that we were likely facing a long dark time. The fact is that even though it can feel dangerous to hope, it is even more dangerous to lose hope. It is important to hold onto the small reassurances that sustain us. The affirmations below are ones that I have collected and tested out over the past four years.
It’s Okay to be Not Okay
When things get tough, a common reaction in American society is to cling to our idea of normalcy. Normalcy to us is often rooted in our ability to be “functional” and “productive.” We are often not particularly forgiving of ourselves or each other when we don’t meet this standard. Unlearning these values, many of which are rooted in ableism, can be a long journey. Building self compassion, even in the small form of telling ourselves that it’s okay to be struggling, is a good first step.
Finding Joy is Part of My Resistance
Though this is certainly not a new concept, “joy as resistance” is a phrase I have heard more and more over the past four years. Grief and outrage at injustice can sometimes make us think that experiencing joy somehow betrays our sadness, or is unfair to others who are suffering. In reality our ability to be resilient and resist depends upon our finding joy in spite of tragedy. For more about this concept, check out Pleasure Activism: the Politics of Feeling Good by Adrienne Marie Brown.
There Will Be Better Days
This is one of my favorite phrases to use with clients because even at our least hopeful moments, we can usually believe that there will come a day that is better than this one. Not necessarily that everything will be better forever, but that there will be periods of time it will not be quite as bad as it is at this moment. Making the room for that possibility in our minds opens a small window for hope and lets in the potential for change.
They Can Cut All the Flowers But They Cannot Stop the Spring
This is a line by Chilean poet Pablo Neruda, originally written in Spanish: "Podrán cortar todas las flores, pero no podrán detener la primavera." Neruda, an active leftist and Communist, witnessed multiple regime changes and ideological shifts in Chile. This phrase has been used in multiple political movements against corruption and authoritarianism in government.
We Were Built for the Tough Times, Too
Queer resilience is woven into our beings and our communities. There is strength in our shared histories that we can draw upon; our individual gifts and knowledge combined create a force that can both protect us and propel us forward. This is not to say that our suffering is inevitable, but that our resistance is.